In September, Seth Godin wrote about Talker’s Block and how no one gets it – unlike Writer’s Block – because we’re so accustomed to speaking and having our words mean little. They rarely get recorded and come back to bite us so we don’t have to get over fears of talking and therefore never get Talker’s Block.
As a little FYI, I’m not one of those do-something-every-day-that-scares-the-shit-out-of-you guys. Those people annoy the crap out of me, but some of them don’t simply do things that scare themselves just to satisfy the edict. They actually think about the outcomes of their efforts, and for that, I won’t go so far as to say that movement is stupid.
You are a fearful thing
Whether it’s spiders, or snakes, or tigers, or something else, you are afraid of it. Yet, when was the last time you were in a situation where one of those could have actually harmed you? Similarly, if you are one of the great majority, you fear speaking in front of people more than death.
Both of these two types of fears are born into every human being. Our ancestors didn’t have guns or armor or vehicles or houses. They huddle under lean-tos for shelter and ran at the first sight or sound of danger. What else could they do? They were weak compared to the true predators surrounding them. At the same time, many cultures promoted homogenization of thought and character, so stepping out of line by saying or doing something different caused you to be shunned and socially punished, which could result in less food, attention, mating opportunities, wealth, and more.
And, these fears stay with us. Society and our own nature promote them.
How do you get over fears?
Number one – There is nothing to fear.
I spend a lot of time teaching others – speaking, training, presenting, developing my team, coaching teens, and more – and I’ve been very fortunate to not only only be skilled at a few things, but to also have had a life thus far that provides me with opportunities to try lots of things. I hope that’s not bragging. I’ve been very fortunate. I:
- moved overseas by myself with no job and found myself working on a goat milk farm.
- literally almost caused my own death skydiving.
- have been hit by a car
- impaled my abdomen on a tree branch when falling from a tree.
- fell over 50 feet from a tree a different time and walked away with only a broken wrist.
- and more.
I say all that to put into perspective that I have fears, but I get over them, and when things go wrong, I survive, and you will too. What’s to fear about approaching a celebrity or hot chick (which I don’t do because I’m married) or speaking in front of a crowd when I nearly plunged to my death from 750 feet? Why not support someone that dreams to move overseas when I’ve done it with no plan and no experience and know what it’s like? How about helping people get over fears of speaking in front of others? The people in the audience are more afraid than they are.
Your fears of almost everything are born into you. You fear speaking up for yourself in a meeting because your conditioning tells you not to. You fear approaching the A-lister because you’re worried about being judged. You shrink from the spider in your apartment, but can’t explain why. But, the consequences of those things are nothing nowadays. What happens if you speak up for yourself? Your case is heard. What happens if the A-lister rejects you? Nothing. They’re not in your circle and they don’t influence your friends. What’s that spider going to do? Bite you? You can squish it.
Number two – Act on your fears.
If you’ve ever worked with kids, you know what it’s like to say, “There’s nothing to be afraid of.” Yet, you still fear. Heck, I still fear, but one big difference between the winners and the losers is that winners don’t let fear hold them back. Losers do. You don’t have to “do something that scares the shit out of you every day,” but you have to train yourself to recognize the reality of your fear.
Irrational or inconsequential fear should be acted upon immediately. The longer you let yourself not talk to that person because you’re afraid, the harder it becomes, but the sooner you say something to them, the sooner you know whether or not it was a good idea. And, if you’re successful, you gain more confidence for the next time. If you’re not successful, you have more information to improve the next time.
What do you get if you don’t act? NOTHING.
Above, I listed a number of the bad things that have happened to me, but seriously, am I still here? Am a smart and confident person? Yes, and you are too when you act on your fears.
What do you have to lose if you try to get over your fears?
Neither of us are stupid. We’re not going to put ourselves in harm’s way without being reasonably certain that the likelihood of something going terribly wrong is miniscule.
Knowing that, what’s stopping you?
